Time is flying by WAY to fast!

Jack is already 4 months old today and I still can't believe it. He is getting bigger, smarter and more curious as the days go on. And I know there is no way to freeze time, but oh how I wish I could. I never imagined being a mother and now that I am, I can't picture life any other way. I believe I was always supposed to have him. In some way or another, I was always supposed to be his mother and he was always supposed to be my son. If that makes sense. We grow more in love with him as new silly faces or weird noises come out of him. He is starting to scream at the top of his lungs and when he feels like throwing a fit he will start to push on his legs and throw himself back. Oh, but how I love his smile.

It isn't all laughs and giggles though. Sometimes i find myself frustrated because I don't know what he wants. He has already been changed, fed, burped and I know he's tired, but he won't sleep in my arms or the swing and when I put him down his arms flail everywhere as he continues to scratch himself. Then you have to literally hold them down in order for him to be calm. I HATE being frustrated with him. At night when he wakes up constantly and I don't know whats wrong, is when I get most frustrated then I cry because I feel like a bad mother. As much as Ram has helped and is there, I don't think he will ever understand the pressures a mother goes through. I have come to have a greater respect for my own mother because she did it four times.

There are days where I have to learn to let him cry. He is starting to get used to arms and knows when he starts to whimper we run. It is quite funny how smart he is. Yesterday, for example, I put him in the swing, but he was not having it. I figured maybe he needed to burp, get changed or something. NOPE! As soon as I sat him on my lap facing the TV he was calm. His face was priceless.

No matter what he does, my love for him will continue to grow. And I can never stay too mad at him.

P.S. I love to watch him sleep.